Preparing for baby no.3: Starting to Panic!

I've found that with each pregnancy, time seems to move faster and faster.I'm 20 weeks pregnant this week. It's been 15 weeks since I found out I was expecting baby number 3 and I can hardly tell where the time has gone. If the last 15 weeks can move so fast, it stands to reason that the next 15 can too. There are plenty of things coming up in the next few months to help the time fly by faster as well. For instance, Halloween, my birthday, Christmas, New Year, mine and Mr. M's first wedding anniversary AND Valentine's Day all pop up before my due date, along with various other family birthdays and the prospect of a last minute holiday thrown in there too.

Realising all this has left me feeling a little bit panicked. With Mr. M being away with work, I'm also doing his share of the parenting too. Let me tell you, wrangling two small people single-handedly is a full-time job in itself! With so much going on, when am I ever going to have time to prepare for this baby?! I'm already 20 weeks; what if the baby comes early? What if the SPD I'm suffering rather badly with at the moment leaves me housebound and on crutches like last time? What if I get so caught up in whatever else is going on that I forget to buy something as essential as a car seat and I only realise when I want to take my newborn home?! Granted, that last worry is unlikely to happen, but still!

I've decided to put my organised hat on and MAKE A LIST. Or rather, several lists. I have lists for general baby must-buys, then more in depth lists with possible items, where they're from and how much they cost. I have a list for my hospital bag and one for baby's hospital bag even though I won't be packing them for another 10 weeks or so. I've even made a list of baby items I've seen recommended on YouTube or parenting blogs, just to see if any of them are worth me purchasing. All this may seem a little over excessive but to me, it's all completely necessary!

I am a worrier and an overthinker so all this is done in an effort to keep myself from stressing out too much. And check back, because I'll be posting more details about some of my efforts to prepare for this baby in future posts, along with hauls and other baby related stuff.

N x

On the Topic of Refugees

To all my friends, I would like to ask you a question. 13 years ago, my family made the choice to move (migrate) here to Ireland from the UK. We are essentially immigrants. We fled no war, no religious persecution. We were not in fear of our lives. We CHOSE to move here. By the thinking of some things I've read lately, my family should not have been entitled to the financial support, education and healthcare we have received since moving here. Would you have us leave 'your country' even though we have done no wrong? Have we any more right to stay than those fleeing horrific situations abroad? Surely we have less of a right? Is it because we have the same colour skin as you and speak the same language as you that we are allowed to stay? Is it because our differences are less obvious? Would you stop your children from playing with ours because their parents aren't from here?

It is no secret that the Irish government are corrupt; that funding for healthcare, education, social housing and public services needs to be improved drastically. I completely agree that the Irish government have failed in their obligations to the common people. People are homeless where there is more than enough housing available. People are dying when there is no need. Situations are being created which are entirely unnecessary and could be avoided. All because there are TD's out there who would rather ignore the problems their people are faced with every day than help and find solutions. Should we do the same? As citizens of the world, should we turn our heads and dismiss the crises going on in the world as 'someone else's problem'? We (and our government) don't just have a social obligation here in this country, we have a global social obligation too.

It is easy to tar everyone with the same brush. However, the fact is, more crimes have been committed in the name of Christianity than any other religion. This includes Islam. This is easily forgotten about though. While I am not at all naive enough to think that there aren't refugees out there who ally themselves with ISIS or similar terrorist/fundamental religious organisations, I do think it is unfair to generalise with this assumption. In the same way, but of course to a lesser and more trivial extent, the Irish hate the generalisation and stereotype forced upon them that they are all heavily drinking, ginger leprechauns.

I'm also not stupid enough to think that there aren't people who are profitting from this situation. The smugglers who are charging these poor people thousands of euro to transport them on dangerously overcrowded, unsafe dinghy's. Migrants who are using these methods to enter countries when they are safe in their own. That's another argument for another time. The plain fact is, that the vast majority of these displaced people are just searching for safety. They didn't ask for this and sometimes, that's easy to forget. Civilians are just that. They aren't soldiers or politicians. They're just normal people like we are, who have been forced to leave their lives behind and try and find a new life somewhere else.

You were born here in Ireland by chance. You didn't choose it. You're just lucky. While we work hard for what we have, we have a better place to start than a lot of people in the world. You would think that with Ireland's own turbulent history of conflict and unneccessary heartbreak, this nation would be more sympathetic to these people's problems. While Irish people have had to endure difficulties of their own, oftentimes in the name of religion, they have not had to flee devastating war, natural disaster or famine. That is except from between 1845 and 1855, when 2.1 million Irish REFUGEES had to do just that. Would you have had the USA,Canada etc. turn those Irish people away then, because the famine 'wasn't their problem?'

Many of my friends are parents. I know for a fact that if we ever found ourselves in the same situation that these people are finding themselves in today, we'd do whatever we could to ensure our children could grow up somewhere safe, without fear. Even if that meant leaving our home country in search of a new place to call home. And we would hope that we would be offered that sanctuary somewhere without resistance or suspicion.

My views may seem idealistic and naive to you, I don't mind. I believe there is enough room on this planet for everyone. We are all entitled to a home. As John Green says, "We are ONE species, sharing one, profoundly, interconnected world, and humans, ALL humans, are our people."

Moving to France

I should really tell you a bit about my mother-in-law. Picture a small 70 year old lady with light hair and glasses. Now imagine her driving huge trucks all over Europe bringing aid to eastern European countries. Add a sheepdog that never leaves her side and you pretty much have my mother in law.

She's eccentric, spontaneous and so very generous and kind. So it shouldn't have come as a surprise to myself or Geth when she came to us in December 2012 with a crazy idea.

"Let's pack up our whole lives and move to the French countryside!"

Eh?!

We were surprised. I had just started back at work from maternity leave. My job as a community artist for my county council wasn't paid particularly well but I loved it. Geth worked as a PA at our local college. Shosha was just 6 months old.

So at first it was a bit of a pipe dream; something we mused over and day dreamt about. It pretty much stayed that way for the next year and a bit. In that time I had 3 miscarriages and fell pregnant with Arri.

It all switched gears in April 2014. I was 30 odd weeks pregnant with Arri and was suffering from crippling SPD. Of course it was a natural decision to hop into a camper van and go driving through France on a house hunt.

Amazingly, we found a dream home in the Dordogne department. A huge property with 4 'gites' attached, a huge garden and a pool! Gites are small properties which are usually let out to holidaymakers. We did some research and realised it would be a great business. What sold it to us was that we'd both be able to work from home and be with Shosha and Arri all the time.

Fast forward to now. We're here. In our French home. Our forever home. We have no mortgage. My mother-in-law has set us up with an incredible opportunity to establish and secure a better lifestyle for Shosha and Arri. The place needs a lot of work doing to make it ready for next summer. It's a fantastic challenge. I'm hoping to document the experience here so in years to come when we're millionaires or tycoons in the hospitality industry (!) I can remind myself where we started.

And most importantly, I think, WHY we started.

Staring

It's 1:53am and if I had any sense, I'd be asleep right now. Shosha will be awake in 5 hours, and I have a ton of stuff to do tomorrow. I should be well away to the land of nod by now.

Instead, I'm sat here in bed, staring at a snoring small person beside me.

I've been staring at her for ages now.

I can't seem to stop.

How is it that this tiny human holds my attention so magnetically?! She's not bothered. Like I said, she's snoring away, blissfully unaware that her mad mother is eyeballing her like a loon.

I guess this is just another one of the things you aren't really told about when you're pregnant. "Sleep when your baby sleeps," people will say. "You learn the value of a good night's sleep when you have a baby," you'll be told. And yes, that is true, because it's something you'll find yourself willing to pay dearly for. But you'll also find yourself wasting many opportunities to sleep just watching your child as they do.

At first it's a wary, paranoid vigil. You find yourself not only watching to see if their chest is moving as it should, but you'll feel the need to rest your hand on them so you can feel it as well. Or you'll lean over to feel their breath on your cheek.

Then you'll find yourself peering at them as you check on them in the late evening. Not wanting to make a sound that may wake them, but not yet used to the concept of them being asleep so far away, even though they're only upstairs and you've got one of those fancy movement detecting/video/digital wifi baby monitors.

Next you'll reach the stage I'm at. The staring stage. That's all you do. You just stare. The initial newborn paranoia is fading, a routine has started to emerge and your confidence as a parent is growing. You stare at your gorgeous little one, all tranquil and serene, and you're just about ready to explode with love. I don't know how long I've spent staring at my sleeping son and daughter over my 2-and-a-bit years as a mother. I bet it's a good while though.

Finally, as your child grows, you stare less. They're in their own bed, in their own room, and they're starting to lead their own life. But, still, you check on them before you go to bed, covering them once more with the blanket they've kicked off the bed while they sleep. Maybe you kiss them softly on the forehead, though they'll never know you did. Even as they grow in independence, you're there, watching over them.

Right now, Arri looks so content and happy. And this makes me so proud. Even if my days are filled with the stress and doubts of my own parenting abilities, seeing my baby sleeping peacefully reassures me that yes, I'm doing a damn good job. My children are happy, safe and loved.

That's something I'll happily lose sleep over.

My Favourite Time of Day

As I close the door, and try and shut the safety gate without making too much noise, I allow myself a sigh. I feel my shoulders relax, I didn't even know they were tensed, and I smile a little smile. I can hear the faint sound of 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star' playing through the door and I stop for a minute and listen.

It's 7 o'clock in the evening and in that moment, there is peace.

The moment is fleeting. Reality soon snaps back into focus and I run through my to-do list for the evening. I have to nurse Arri, tidy Shosha's toys away, do the dishes, get Shosha's bag ready for crèche the next day, make Geth's lunch for the next day, feed the cat, do laundry/wash nappies, nurse Arri again, and at some point hopefully get some sleep.

So much to do, but for those few moments just after Shosha has gone to bed, I can just enjoy being. It's my time to reflect and be thankful for the family that I have. My loving, kind, wonderful partner. My incredible, smart, beautiful children. 

Even when I'm worn out, when myself and Geth are bickering, when Shosha is testing my patience and when Arri is being extra demanding, taking that time allows me to truly appreciate them all. This short lull in my hectic day allows me to refuel. 

Because Heaven knows, with a to-do list like mine, I need it!